


The Rock-olutionary War

by montynavarrno



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: also there's mentions of getting crushed to death, but like it's not suicide really?, i had to write this for science class, literally i mean like washington is a piece of flint, okay John André kills himself a little?, they're all rocks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montynavarrno/pseuds/montynavarrno
Summary: A project I did for science class. The retelling of the capture and execution of John André, except all the people are now rocks, rivers, or volcanos.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had a project in science class that required me to get a pet rock and write about it. I had to give it a name, tell the texture, composition, whether it was igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic, and how it formed. I'm like ninety percent sure that's all in the first paragraph. The rest of it is just for fun because it had to be a story.

 

John André was not a rock to be trifled with. His regiment, the Phaneritic Igneous Rocks, were a prestigious group.  In fact, André was more prestigious than most. His father was hornblende and his mother was a fine mixture of orthoclase and quartz, making Andre one of the finest granite pieces around. His upbringing was quite slow. It took him a while to become a fully formed rock out the lava, but when he done he was probably the most beautiful rock around. Everyone liked him. He was worn down and smooth from his tumultuous relationship with the river Peggy Shippen. She had carried him and led him on for months, only for her to eventually end up married to Benedict Arnold, a sizeable and very popular chunk of quartz.  But that was okay with him. After all, Arnold was a secret friend of the Igneous Rocks, so André still got to see Peggy often.

But tonight, André was only going to see Benedict Arnold. Arnold was in charge of a traitorous plan. You see, Arnold was a general for the Sedimentary Rocks, which were revolutionaries fighting against their rightful king, the Volcano George Frederick III. Arnold was a traitor (his wife Peggy was very loyal to the volcano), and he had a plan to bring down West Point, a strategic fort in the Sedimentary Rocks’ army. After meeting with Arnold for several hours, André left with plans on how to invade and capture West Point.

On his way back, he happened across a group of soldiers, one of which appeared to be another Igneous Rock, although this particular rock looked porphyritic.

“Gentlemen,” said André, “I hope you belong to our party.”

“What party?” asked one of the other rocks.

“The lower party,” said André, meaning the Igneous rocks of course.

“We do,” said the other soldiers.

“Well then, I must not be detained. I am an Igneous officer, and I am carrying important plans to General Clinton.”

“Oh, well that’s a shame, seeing as we’re Sedimentary. Search him!” said the porphyritic rock, which André was now belatedly realizing was actually Breccia.

As they searched him, they eventually found the plans that he was carrying.

“Take him to camp!” commanded the breccia, which André had learned was named Paulding. And so André was escorted to the Sedimentary camp, where a sandstone colonel named Jameson ordered that he be taken back to Arnold. André couldn’t believe his luck. Sadly, it wouldn’t hold out. As he was getting ready to go back to Arnold, a conglomerate rock named Benjamin Tallmadge showed up and convinced Jameson to take André’s papers to the leader of the Sedimentary Rocks, General George Washington, providing evidence to Jameson that a high-ranking officer was planning to defect. Jameson also sent a note to Arnold. Little did they know that that would be the last time the Sedimentary Rocks saw Arnold for a long time.

************************

While André was waiting to know his fate, he talked with Tallmadge, who had been the classmate of a Sedimentary Spy, Nathan Hale. Hale had been crushed. Tallmadge said that being crushed would be André’s fate.

He also conversed with Alexander Hamilton, a piece of anthracite, and Lafayette, a rose quartz geode. They seemed to get along with him very well.

************************

Andre’s trial came and went. He was sentenced to be crushed to death, a dishonorable fate for a rock.

“General Washington, might I not be thrown to the mountains? A death of metamorphosing would be more honorable. To become a gneiss would serve my memory well.”

“Please, mon general, he is a good man. He deserves to die like one.” Lafayette pleaded.

“No. This is war, and we must follow its rules,” said Washington gravely. The flint general’s features were hard lines. André knew he wouldn’t be getting out of this.

*****************************

On the day that André was meant to die, he insisted on rigging the hammer that would be used to crush him himself. Lafayette cried at this.

When the hammer came down, André knew he would not regret the way that he had chosen to go.

*****************************

After the ordeal, Alexander Hamilton wrote to his friend John Laurens "Never perhaps did any rock suffer death with more justice, or deserve it less."

Everybody loved John André, and nobody knew why.

                                                                                             

**Author's Note:**

> what the fuck am i doing i have to turn this in for a grade


End file.
